I feel like I am in a position where everything that I do for selfish reasons or do on own time that doesn’t evolve around her or the house is being tried manipulated and taken away from me.
Take last Sunday. I painted a part of the house, but also wanted to bike. I have really gotten into biking these past three years, and I try to do around three rides a week or more. And so with the mandatory painting done, I wanted to bike. Before I even said I wanted to bike, she was trying to manipulate me into painting more.
“Are you done painting already?” she said with a surprised voice when I packed up my painting gear.
“Oh wow, the weather is perfect for panting!” she said with wonder in her voice when I took off my painting outfit.
“Will you paint some more?” she carefully asked when I watched a video on my cell phone.
By the time she was going out for her daily exercise/walk with our daughter, I saw fit to change into my biking gear without her noticing. Then I walked into the bathroom where she was at the time.
I told her I was going biking.
“Ohhh….” she said with disappointment/surprise.
“You know what,” I said; “when I tell you I go biking, you should say ‘hey, do that, you deserve it. Go biking and have fun – I know you love it’.”
“But the painting, it needs to be finished,” she protested; “there’s so much to do…”.
Considering there’s a whole house that needs a fresh layer of paint, I doubt I would have finished in an hour or so during that Sunday anyway.
I went biking, but I just wish I had some support doing it. Instead, if I mention biking, she will most likely talk about how she enjoys forest trips instead of biking. I used to argue against it, but these days I usually just say; “you know, it’s not a contest”.
Honestly, I try to sneak in these bike trips after work if I can, it’s just easier. I pack my bag in silence, take my bike out of the shed like a competent James Bond, and I put everything in short-time storage at my work building. I try to quit early, and then go for a bike ride without she noticing. I come home at the same time as I should have if I was at work, and she is not any wiser. I have a plan on doing that even tomorrow!
When I look at that from an outside perspective, I honestly see how utterly crazy that is, but when I never get any support for doing things that only evolve around me, I’d rather do it in silence and in hiding than having these comments come to me which is aimed at stopping me from doing it, or trying to manipulate me doing work that she feels are important.
Here’s what I found out; she doesn’t do it out of being mean. She does it because she takes responsibility for jobs around the house that she can’t do or doesn’t do, and gets worked up or stressed about it when it’s not done when she feels like it should be done. She have no control over when I’m doing it, but she wish she had control over it. It’s like writing a Master thesis with your name on it, but someone else does all the writing and you know that if it’s crap you will have to deal with someone telling you it’s crap and you have to stand for it. So when I do things that is not for the benefit of her or the house or the family (directly that is, because biking makes me feel good and that makes me more happy around everyone), it’s in her world a waste of time. Everything that I do should be in direct connection to what she feels is beneficial to us or her. She sees a house that is not painted, but instead of just “going for it” herself, she tries to manipulate me into doing it on her schedule and time. I have honestly never been in such a situation where I am constantly stressed because ‘someone’ doesn’t really play ball with what I want being done. I believe the reasons for this ranges from simply being a woman to being rather spoiled.
The daily bewilderment 