I often hold my hand on her stumach. Usually at night. You tend to keep active around midnight and onwards. Please change your routine so you will sleep at night, ok? 😃 To feel your kick is amazing. Unreal. Your mother, even if she’s been through this once before feels the same. Just unreal.
You kick here and there. Punch with your small fists perhaps. We speak of you at night when we og to bed like you will just show up at our door in a few months. I remind both of us that we’re talking about someone already present with us. Always there. You are just inside her stumach, growing and doing all kind of unborn baby things.
My mother is ever so happy. I hear it when she speaks. Her tone. The happiness she can’t hide. She wonders about your name. We give her a few suggestions, but we’re not sure yet. It’s hard you know. How can we know your name? We haven’t even met you yet. We go up to the attic and grab big boxes of baby clothers. Left from when your half sister was a baby. Your mother looks at these clothes with stars in her eyes. All those dark thoughts she had seems to have disappeared. She’s nesting now. Cleaning, tidying, worrying. Thinking about how you will look. How you will be. She’s looking at photos of your sister, thinking of those days with her as a baby. Your mommy is getting ready.
Boy how far I’ve come in a year – in two years. Everything I lost I have gained back. Like a society crippled by war and then resurrected back into something better. Like an anthill being knocked over and re-built better and, stronger than ever before. I simply can’t believe it. Was it all planned out like this?
I imagine birthday cards I will give you. Signed «from your daddy» and I have to stop and remind myself it is me I’m thinking about. I turned it all around. All those strategic plans and reflections I did two years ago. And it all ended up exactly like I had envisioned.
Just a few more months to go.